by BB Curtis

They (whoever “they” are) say, “Always be yourself?”  Sometimes “they” are wrong.  Sometimes “they” are a little loony.  In this case, however, “they” are absolutely correct.  Being yourself not only means that you do not have to put on a façade everywhere you go, but it means that you do not have to change facades in mid-stream when you happen across someone from another walk of your life at a time when you did not expect it.  This means that you do not have to remember a lie.  Not being yourself is a lie, a cover-up.  It can get so bad with some that they begin to believe the lie, and they lose themselves entirely in a pseudo-self, never finding satisfaction nor being happy inside their own skin.  At worst, there are a few impressive-sounding psychoses, which may endanger a person’s quality of life to the point of spending one’s days weaving baskets in the nice, white building with the nice nurses issuing tranquilizers and the nice, young men in the white coats.  At the very least one lives an empty life, not quite fulfilled, not quite satisfied, not quite happy, not quite comfortable.

When we are true to ourselves, living and acting in a manner that reflects our inner lights and our Higher Selves, we can find satisfaction from within, no matter how much we may hate our jobs (hopefully it still puts food on the table) or are not quite satisfied with the ’87 Dodge which we are forced to drive or the tacky apartment in which we must raise our three kids alone because that skunk of a husband took off with a stripper.  Yep, I’m making a point.  This will not make you thin, rich, or desirable to every man who lays eyes on you.  It will, however, help you make life choices that are suited to you and help you to understand yourself.

One of our biggest challenges is to know ourselves.  So, who are you?  You are not your job.  You are not your house or your car.  You are not just a “mother of three”.  It’s not your religion; it’s not your clothes or your makeup; it’s not your clean (or dirty) house. WHO ARE YOU?  What makes you tick?  What makes you laugh or cry?  What are your goals, aspirations, dreams?  Who you are is not what you do or what you have.  It’s how you do it; why you do it; how you feel about it; and what you “want to be when you grow up”.  Here’s a way to help define yourself.

Get paper and pen (pencil if that’s part of who you are), or pop up Word (if that’s how you like to write), and answer a few questions.  You can read them from the screen and write your answers.  You can copy and paste them into Word or other word processing program and type your answers – whatever YOUR heart desires.  It’s all about you right now, so let’s get started.  One reminder, though – steer clear of the thought pattern that starts out:  I’m a mother of 2, I do this or that (unless what you do really does help define you – some are lucky enough to have their dream jobs), and my husband is a lawyer, teacher, bum – whatever.  Now, let’s begin.

1. What motivates you?
2. What do you contribute to your church (not money), your community, your peers at work, your home, your family, the lives of others?
3. What obstacles have you had to overcome?
4. What sets you apart from others?
5. Are you honest with yourself?  If not, why not?
6. How do you want people to describe you?
7. What brings tears to your eyes?
8. What makes you laugh out loud?
9. If you could do anything you want what would it be?
10. Why are you not doing what you want to do?  What is stopping you from doing it?
11. How would you rate your general satisfaction?
12. List your talents.
13. Which of the talents that you have do you think are the most important?
14. What did you want to be when you grew up?
15. Are you doing it?  If not, why not?  Is it a good thing?
16. What has been one defining moment in your life – do not use your marriage, divorce, or birth(s) of your child(ren)?
17. Are you happy in your skin?  If not, why not?  If it’s something that is changeable, what do you have to do to make it happen?
18. Write your own epitaph.  What are you not yet doing to make it true?
19. Do you have abilities/talents that you aren’t using?
20. What is your best attribute?
21. What is it about you that you like the most?
22. If you had time and money to do what you want for three months, what would it be?
23. How do you handle stress?  Are you satisfied with your stress control or lack of it?  What do you need to change if anything?
24. How do you handle adversity?  Are you satisfied with your adversity management style?  What do you need to change if anything?

Now, read your answers again.  Does this help you define yourself?  If you’re curious about what others think of you, send your friends and family an email asking them to describe you in one word.  The descriptive words you get back will help you know how others see you.  ONE WORD OF WARNING:  If someone is rude enough to respond with a vehement negative, DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT TAKE IT TO HEART.  It could be a bad joke.  Consider the source.  Consider yourself.  Is the comment true, half-true, or an outright lie?  Even if it’s a lie, it could say a lot about you.  It could be saying that you have some good qualities of which this person is jealous.  Be honest with yourself, and you’ll know how to take and use the comment.

At this point, you should have a better idea of who you are – what defines you.   You may have also run across a few things that you want to work on within yourself.  If that has happened, make a list of those things and begin a strategy of improvement – slowly.  Keep your answers and review both your progress and changes every couple of months (more often if you’d like).  Remember that you are growing and changing every moment of every day, and you can make conscious decisions to move in specific directions.

Be kind to yourself.  Respect yourself.

Be well.

© Bobbi Curtis 2015, All Rights Reserved